Where ya Momma @?

Last night. . . No early morning, around 2:30am, I was coming home from work and I saw a group of little girls on the train. I understand it was a Friday and there wasn't school in the morning however the streets isn't a place they shouldve been. I was that girl that always wanted to go to the parties and hang out with friends but I also made straight A's, didn't sleep in class and participated in extracurricular activites. If I was outside at odd hours of the night/morning I was sitting on my porch with my best friend, who lived next door, or in my 'hood. Either way I was never too far away from home. I started high school ten years ago so things have sinced changed including the parenting or lack thereof. When I see teenagers especially females it makes me ask where is the mother?

I know kids aren't always honest with their parents about where they are headed and/or who they are going with however I feel like it's the parents job to investigate. It's their job to stay on top of the little things that has to do with their children. Can be parents be everywhere at once? Of course not and I don't expect them to be. Should they check up on their children to make sure they are doing as they should, yes! I remember being in I think third grade and my mother surprised me and walked into my classroom one day. It was one of those rare moments when I actually doing my work and participating in class. It was very random but it made me be cautious about my actions from then on because my mother could pop up at anytime. I never wanted to be that kid that got a beating in class with a belt, I wouldve died from embarrassment alone!! The point is kids need to stay on top of the things they should be focusing on and parents are the ones who should be enforcing that focus.
~TJ

Knock you Down

Dear Jones, How much time should pass before a person starts dating after a break up? -Single in the city

Dear Sitc, There's no guideline for me to go by to really answer that question. It all depends on what feels right to you. If after two months you're ready to start dating then go for it. You wont know for sure until you actually meet someone. After my break up I thought I was ready to move forward after three months, I started to get to know someone but that's when I realized it was too early for me. I was open and honest with homeboy about recently becoming single so he totally understood my situation. We have since remained part time friends. My point is be honest with whomever you are interested in. Do you have to give them a full report about your dating history, No. I doubt they honestly want to hear how and why another man jilted you. You can however let them know your intentions & just take it easy. See how everything flows and take it from there. Since you are so fresh out of a relationship, jumping into another one should be the last thing on your list. This should be the time you focus on yourself and make sure you leave all the baggage from your past in the past. -Tristan Jones

Blame it on the water

Since Ive been visiting the blog site, you know you dead azz wrong, I've been seeing more and more people who needs to be featured on there. I take the train to and from work and I see the most suspect outfits and people. I know I'm no one to talk about another since I come out the house (Seldom) dead azz wrong, however there are certainly different degrees of it. For instance yesterday I saw three females who needed a ticket. 1. A young female (bbw) wore yellow sweat pants that were a size too small. A red hoodie that stopped short, right above her protruding tummy. A pair of brown snow boots and a beige carrying bag. 2. An older female wore a semi evening dress with thick black tights and pink peep toe shoes. Where did she think she was going? 3. Now I'm all for getting cute to go to the club. I also know sometimes we wear shoes that at the end of the night is going to have our feet hurting like crazy. However people should know better than to wear peep toe shoes if they are just too damn small. The girl had on shoes that had her walking in small steps. The girl's toes were smooshed together causing her toes to overlap. Even though it wasnt funny I couldnt stop myself from laughing. I could feel her pain but I also wanted to tell her she was dead azz wrong! Ya'll know I tried to take a photo but my phone died right before I captured it.

*A word to the ladies* I understand sometimes we can over do it to get attention from the opposite sex and don't shake ya head no! Its true cuz I do it too sometimes. We try to be so outside of the box that we 7 times out of 10 end up looking a damn mess. It's not right but men feel they can treat you a certain way based on the way you're dressed, I don't agree but if you want respect from them, you have to show them you respect yourself first. However you already know there are some things we have no business putting on. Most times your body make attract him but it doesn't necessarily mean that's gonna make him stay! Keep that in mind the next time you dress for the club.

-Jones

Wrap it Up!

Hey Beautiful People,
I wanted to officially thank my friends for coming to my rescue and shedding their sunshine on my blog. I'm honored to have friends as great as you all. I was scared to open my home and leave y'all in charge but I'm very proud!! And Kevy kev, I was skeptical when I saw you would be the one answering my fan mail (You can be too real sometimes) however you did ya thing.
Fans; I'm extremely happy you welcomed my second fam without hesitation. I know you are feining to know how the meetings went and I will of course tell you but in due time. Please don't be too mad at me, cuz I love ya. Thanks again

~Jones

Guest Appearance (Kevy Kev)

Yo Jones & Fans,
I hope you all are cool with me answering some of the question you all are emailing. The inbox is getting quite full and I believe I can offer up some good advice. And yes TJ Im going be as sensitive as I possibly can.

Here's a good one. . .

Dear Jones,
I've been dating my current beau for about eight months and it's an exclusive relationship except I have yet to meet his family. I introduced him to my parents a few weeks ago but he has failed to schedule a time when I can meet with his. I know he has dinner with his family every Sunday after church, so would it be so wrong of me to "surprise"him one afternoon?
-In the Shadow alone

Dear Inta,
Surprising your boyfriend, at his parents house no less, might hurt you more than it helps. If he hasn' invited you to meet his parents, it's because he doesn't want you to meet them, not yet anyway. Guys are not on the same "schedule" as women so something that may happen for you at six months might take him a year. I wouldn't worry until years have gone by and his fam still has no idea as to who you are.
-Kevy Kev

Aight one more . . .

Dear Tristan J,
I broke up with my ex a few months ago (Not a bad break up) and we've since began dating others. She recently confided in me that she's pregnant however she's not 100% sure who the father is. I know I shouldve used a condom with her if I was going to sex her but what's done is done. What should I do now?
-Down and Dirty

Yo Dad,
First get tested! How are you going to run up in any girl (ex or otherwise) without your rain coat? The least of your worries could be baby. Second when the baby is born get a DNA test to determine who is the biological father and take it from there. If your the father, man up and be there for your kid. If the baby isn't yours, let this be a lesson learned.

-Kevy Kev

Happy Living...

I took a quick break from my meetings and snuck in the bathroom to give a birthday shout out to miii homegirl Seneca! She turned 24 today!

Guest Appearance (Spider)

Growing up in Philly was a lesson that no school could have prepared me for. I lived on the south side with my moms, my twin brother Jalen and my older brother, Trevor. I never met my father, the dude left while my mother was six months pregnant. My mother stayed in church, she always dragged Jalen and I along and for the most part we went without complaining. When we reached 13, I started playing the block. I was tired of wearing Trevor's hand me downs and having to share them with my twin. I wanted to be just as fresh as the D boys. I continued to focus on school only because I didn't want to alert my mother to the things I was getting into but everyday it was becoming more of a struggle. I was being drawn deeper into to the drug life and I couldn't find my way out. My breaking point came when my twin brother became a target because of some work I put in. The bullet missed his heart by an inch. I think it was more than a wake up call for me, it brought me back to reality. Unfortunately my enemies still wanted me dead so my family was no longer safe but with limited funds, we were still stuck in Philly. I got word that there was a bounty on my head but I wasn't raised to be fearful of any man, he bled like me. While coming from school, I was ambushed. I wasn't prepared as I should've been and that mistake damn there cost me my life. I was shot twice, once in my shoulder and the other in my leg. I was also stabbed twice in my chest and once in my back and beat inches away from death. I spent a few weeks in the hospital, and I only had time to think and heal. As much preaching and praying that my mother had done, I was starting to see that the life I was living was getting me nowhere fast. I didn't want to end up dead. My mother was able to get an emergency transfer to another office, out of Philly, due to my accident. We moved to Atlanta, and it turned out to be the best thing. After my injuries healed, I started to take life a lot more serious. I was able to graduate high school top of my class and move on to college. I played college ball for a while, but went to graduate school instead of the NBA. I wanted to do more for my community and show that a black man could live through hell but make the necessary changes before it was too late. I went back to Philly a few years after I graduated grad school, went to my old neighborhood to see if I saw anyone I used to hang with, but I didn't. However the 'hood was still the same. I've since created an organization designed to help intervene in the lives of black youth going down the wrong path. I know now with an open mind, and a determined heart anything is possible.

- Jaden Miller (Formally known as Spider)

Guest Appearance (Robin Taylor)

Tristan J told me to entertain so Im going to try my best! While on a recent trip in Washington D.C. a young couple was having an extended arguement on the metro about infidelity.
"Troy how can you fix your face to say its my fault you cheated?"
"You never had time for me"
"Are you serious?" Brianna said rolling her eyes
"I'm dead serious, you was never there when I needed you. If anything you forced me to go out and find someone to fill that void'"
"So it's my fault that I have to work two jobs to support our household because you haven't been able to keep a job?"
"That's not the point . . ."
"Wait let me finish, and I would assume it's also my fault that even though I work two jobs I still have to pick our daughter up from school, help with homework and still cook dinner? I do everything while you play with your friends."
"Brianna you know I'm out everyday looking for a job, being a black man isn't easy!"
"Oh please, maybe I would be able to make time to spend with you if you was at least doing your part for Tiara. How about cooking dinner every once in a while. I work long hours and sometimes I want to come home to a hot meal."
"You throw having a job in my face as often as you possibly can. When I was out there getting money, supporting you, you wasn't complaining. Now that the roles have reversed you swear you the sh!t. Brianna it's time to come down from your high horse."
"High Horse? You must be crazy! Im not throwing anything in your face. I don't have to, you have to deal with you not doing anything all day. I'm doing what needs to be done, without any complaints Troy. You claim the reason you cheated was because you felt neglected, but what about me and how I feel?"
"What about you?"Troy said shaking his head.
"It don't even matter at this point. I'm going to continue to do what needs to be done for our daughter. You will forever be in my life only because of Tiara but I no longer have to deal with you on that level."
"I will always be there for my daughter."
"I hope so, she need the balance of both of us as she gets older."

I can't say I agree with Troy's reason for cheating especially after I heard why Brianna didnt really have time for him. A relationship is a team effort, the responsibility shouldnt fall just on one person. I must say Im glad that both parents agree that Tiara needs her dad in her life whether both parents are together or not. At first when they were arguing I thought I would have to get involved, Troy was very animated with his words. I thought Brianna could use some assistance but she held her own.

-Robin Taylor.

Guest Appearance

Good afternoon people,
I'm calling this week postings Guest Appearances. I've set up a few meetings with agents and I even have a meeting with a publishing house. I really want to put all my energy and focus into that so my friends have volunteered to keep you as entertained as only they can. I do hope you all understand and welcome me back with opened arms. I also have a major announcement scheduled for release on April 1,2009.
-Jones

Customer Reaction

Hey Jones,
I just finished reading the advice column title, 'Work Related', and I wanted to write in. SURF, please don't take it to that level with your follow co worker. I was in your shoes a year ago and I must say it was a really bad choice. We started out as friends and he also filled my head with the possibility of starting a relationship. I figured since he wanted a relationship, then us sleeping together before I officially became his girlfriend wouldn't matter. How wrong was I! It seemed a few weeks after the sex started, I was no closer to becoming his girlfriend. We still had yet to do anything more than go to the movies. As time went on, he started to call less and ignore me more at work. I didn't like him brushing me off so I started to investigate, I learned he was involved with another co worker. I decided he wasn't worth my time so I ended the sexual relationship. The next day my secret office affair was very much public. I was so embarrassed I ended up requesting a transfer to another office. The point I'm making is unless you think he may be your soul mate, which I highly doubt, Don't give him your goods!

-Paula

Work Related

Dear Jones,
I've always been against office romances but we've recently added a new addition to the team. The friendship was slow starting off (It took about 3 months before I said hello). As of lately we speak often on the phone and I find myself longing to talk to him. As far as I know nobody at the job suspects anything and I'm doing everything to keep it that way. I haven't done anything more than talk to him on the phone. He keeps promising to take me out but everytime we make plans he cancels last minute. Just last night, he explained he isn't built for a relationship however he wants all the benefits of one. I'm generally okay with a friends with benefits relationship but I feel he couldve said this earlier into the friendship. In the beginning he said he wanted to work on building a relationship with me since I'm a relationship person. I'm hesitant to move forward to something sexual because I feel he is only telling me what he thinks I want to hear for his own benefit.
-Sex Ultimately Ruins Friendships.

Dear SURF,
If you are hesitant, that's your conscience telling you not to do it! Go with your thoughts, if you believe he is only telling you something you want to hear then that's probably what he's doing. Instead of being totally honest he went a different route to see if he could come out with the same results; sex with you. While knowing all this if you still follow through with a sexual relationship be prepared for the after math, if any. I know it's a sticky situation since you two work together but I think you should remain just friends.
-Jones.
Oh BTW, since he likes to make plans and cancel do the same to him. Make plans to satisfy him but call and cancel at least thrity minutes before you are supposed to arrive. Give him a taste of his medicine!

Death of a Dynasty

Hey readers, I wanted to post a real life experience, Hope you Enjoy. ~Jones

Role Model Wrote:

I jus read that reply u left on FB. I don't know where mommy went wrong (with u), but I sure hope u deal with watever ur issues are b4 u hav children. I would hate for u to be in my position. And it bothers me that I can't look to u for assistance in my situation. That is a non issue at this point. U are an adult and u changing ur name is ur choice but, realize it does not disconnect u from who u are. And out of curiosity y not change it to mommys name IF u were having some crisis being a C? Who the f*ck is Smith? But any who I hav come to term with even though we are born into families doesn't really mean the you have that FAMILY bond. I love u as my sister and hope that one day we may be as sisters truly should. It was mentioned to me that u don't speak to Mooda that is your choice being as I hav no number for you, and u were never told that you couldn't call her. And since auntie and 'Yana hav the number I am only to assume that u didn't want me to have it. Once again no love lost. Jus understand that I am not keeping u from Mooda. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Tristan Jones Response:

It took me twenty minutes before I could start typing because I didn't want you to feel I was coming at you any type of way. Mommy didn't go wrong with me, she loved me with her whole heart. I know what it's like to be loved, to be listened to, to have someone take my ideas seriously and to encourage/support me. Because of mommy I've been able to follow my dreams, I've written two completed novels (that are both execellent reads), ive also written two short stories,I've graduated from college with an associates degree and I'm now going for my ba n English. I have a blog with a decent following and I actually have fans who are encouraged by my words. I think when and if I have kids, I'll be a great mother. I'll be the type of parent mine was to me. I don't think you should be the one to judge how I'll be as a parent. I would also hate to be in your position, because I would hate for my child to feel the way yours feels about you. U have come to me for assistance in the past and I've been there,ALWAYS. I've made sacrifices just so I could stay in NYC and help u with whatever was needed. I was the make up artist and I couldn't even go to LA, to study and do my thing. Mooda & EMM is my heart, and for them I would give them world and everything in it. I don't rock with you because u don't listen. And I mean really listen. Most times you come off as a bitter a$s black woman. Maybe it's because your older you feel as though you can give advice, and advice is cool. But I don't have to take it, and you shouldn't feel a certain way when I choose to do my own thing, instead of listening to u. About facebook, I started a page 4 yrs ago and that was only to catch someone being slick, I chose any name! I don't want to 'disconnect' with family, that's already happened. None of y'all know how to deal with me. Don't take my anti social behavior for something else. I'm a writer so I'm sometimes inside my own head more than in the world. I wasn't speaking to Mooda/EMM right now though the phone cuz then I would have to talk to you. And honestly I didn't want to fcuk with you. U have talked MADD sh!t about me to other fam, even when ive said nothing about you. It's like I have to walk around egg shells with u, making sure not to say the wrong thing or use the wrong tone, while you say whatever the hell you want how you want. You are right, I'm an adult, an I do for myself, by myself and I won't be disrespected by you or anyone else. Period. 'Yana doesn't have the number, and if she does it's only because she's my nail stylist. I called Auntie because I thought she could be an ally, she has my number but we don't hold conversations. The problem is niggas wanna run back to you saying whatever, come to me if u have a problem. Stop listening to what niggas tell you and come to the horses mouth. I will always love u cuz u my sister but if u want to have a relationship with me there are compromises that have to made on both sides. Oh and btw, I was only joking about changing my name, I am and will always be Tiffany Nicole C, however I do go by my pen name Tristan Jones.

Role Model Wrote:

Too much bullsh!t to read. Get therapy!!! Hopefully u will realize that u need it. And as far as my kids u couldn't help me cuz ur a$s don't know if u coming or goin. But congrats on ur accomplishments past and future. Its about time u got off ur ass and did something. And I never held u back from anything. You held u back. Don't worry about communicating with my kids cuz truthfully I don't wanna fcuk with ur a$s either!! They won't be any worse off without u in their life. As for how my daughter feels she too will get over it. Bitter never! No reason to bitter especially concerning u. I was loved jus as u was by the same person so whatever u r tryin to imply, kill it. Sounds like u have some hate in ur blood and I don't get it. And as far as advice we all gonna do wat we want at the end of the day. But doin wat makes sense is key! Sisters we will always be, friends? well that's something else. We will still both live and breathe. I did wat I was asked to do. And sorry u didn't appreciate that. Such is life. As for talking sh!t about u? NEGATIVE! the truth is always the truth. And don't mention u unless someone else does. I hav too many other things that I can talk about. And how can I judge u on something ur not? Read again this time read what I wrote and not what u think I meant. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Tristan J Says:

I feel so much pity towards my sibling. It saddens me that she is the way she is, however I dont have to deal with it and I wont. I dont have hate in my heart for her at all, at this point I dont even wish things were different. Hopefully she will/is doing something positive and constructive with her life and is influencing her daughters positively. As far as Tristan J having a sister, She doesnt anymore.

Family Death.

Hey All, I have some news but Im not sure how its going to be recieved. At this point in my life, things are actually going really well for me. Finally, it feels like Life is reflecting all the hard work Ive had to do for the past few years. Im fighting to make sure people take me seriously, to make sure Im doing the best job that I can possibly do. I dont believe in the word, 'Hater', or I try not to think of it. I just think it can be hard to relate to someone who is doing things that you never thought of. Dreams can be as big as the person who thinks of them. Anyway... There has been a death (sort of) in my family. From today on, Im living as if they never existed, (seems harsh right?) Im just tired of being judged on sh!t they know nothing about. Everytime I speak my mind, 'fam' wants to take the defensive. Sometimes you have to listen. God gave people two ears and one mouth so they could listen more than they talk. Im no longer going to deal with people just because we were born under the same family tree. I've been doing my own thing for this long without their help and I will continue to grind it out for myself. I had an email conversation with my older sibling that I will post either later on today or tomorrow. I want my readers to get a feel for the person who I was fortunate to have as a role model. ~Tristan Jones Oh and BTW, If you dont like whats written here, Stay the Fcuk Away from My blog!