Tonight there were some words that were subliminally shared between a former best friend and myself. Maybe he thought I was trying to say something to him without actually saying it but I assure you that was not the case. I had been listening to Kanye’s new songs Power and Runaway, so I put a verse from the song as my aim status. It was very harmless and not directed at him. Jeff (the former bestie) felt the need to also put in a verse from Runaway as his status. I ignored it at first but then he changed it to something else, so I did the same. I know tit for tat doesn't solve anything but there is such a deep rooted hurt in our history that he was lucky, all I did was change a status.
Just a tad bit of history, Jeff and I was best friends from the second we first met each other. It was like something clicked and it was like finding the other part of myself. Yes, we talked about a relationship but at the time I was 17 so we just remained friends which was the best thing ever! Until Samantha, his current fiancé and mother of his lovely daughter came into the picture. Not only is she extra insecure but she’s jealous and simply stupid! Sam would swear that I'm out to get “whats her’s” even though Jeff and I had been friends for about 3 years when she came into the picture. I’ve always supported his happiness and when it was clear that she wasn't comfy with our friendship it was me who got the boot. Of course I was bummed about it but I respected his decision. After a while he began to call and text but he had to be sneaky about it because if Sam would've found out she would've threatened to stop him from seeing his child. So once again we stopped being friends again for the sake of Sam. I don’t even think it occurred to Jeff about my feelings, how it felt to finally have my friend back, one that already knew the background of ppl and certain situations so I wouldn't have to explain and go thru the motions of back telling a story. There were times when I needed someone to be there for me, who understood me but I'm not seeing that Jeff ultimately only cared about himself.
I need to get this out. Its been bothering me for so long but just like Bob I see I have to let go. I wish that I didnt have to. I really want and need my friend but sometimes the things we want, just arent good for us. I’ve lost so many people, so to have to let Jeff go, really hurts me. As I get older I realize the only thing I want is for my friends to BE THERE. Nobody really understands what that means for me. Being there is so BIG to me, Im sick of disappointments but I just want someone to be the type of friend to me that I am to them. Is that really to hard to ask for? Im starting to see it is.
So Jeff, as much as I cherished our friendship and loved having you as a best friend, this is it. There can’t and wont be a coming back from this. You’ve made your choice when you choose to defend Samantha, even though she was the one who was dead wrong. I respect your decision to be with her and to make your relationship work and I sincerely hope that it works out for the best. I hope you two build a meaningful relationship filled with nothing but love, happiness and respect. Im no longer going to tolerate being disrespected by you or her, Im deciding to move on and to leave the past right there. I’ll always think back on the great times we’ve shared and how you’ve helped me to grow as a woman, a friend and a writer. Thank you.
-Tiffany/Tristan
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