Im a Survivor, I cant give Up (Destiny's Daughter)

Today is the 6th year anniversary of my mother passing away. Its so weird that it has been six years and Im still standing. Everyday my battle is a lil easier but some days are better than others. Its because of my mother that I have this crazy idea in my head that I can do anything I want to do, that I can reach any goal with hard work. Garlick (my nickname for my mom) was the foundation for which my dreams were built upon. My mother made me join all these activies when I started high school, and even after she found out I didnt have to take extracurricular activites, she wouldnt let me quit them. She made time to watch me during marchin band season because she knew how into it I was. She would even work overtime to be able to pay for my uniform and to get the taps on my boots. Garlick encouraged me to take my poetry more seriously than just a stress reliever and because of her my poem was published.

Of course If my mother was still here, things would be greatly different. People's attitude would be checked and I would have my #1 supporter rooting for me. Reaching your dreams is even better when you have someone backing you, believing what you believe. I know since its only me rooting for myself, I have to go even harder. I have to fulfil the dream for Garlick and I. I've been through some major events since she has been gone but I think its because of her that I havent gone completely crazy. I hope that my mom is proud of the things Ive accomplished because her approval means something to me. Im damn proud of myself, just knowing what I've been up against! Ive given my all, and soon the world will know what my mother knew; that I was destined to succeed.

~Tristan Jones aka "My Little Flower" RIP GERALDINE GARLICK aka Garlick

Reality/Fantasy

...Pages from Tiffany's Diary

Dear Diary,
I long to 'fit in', to just be like everybody else. To be accepted by everyone else. Do you know how hard is it to be a young female and feel totally alone? Growing up was no exception, my sibling is twelve years older than me so we never had anything in common (Plus she barely spoke to me) I learned to love being alone, and depending on myself to have fun.

When I move to Baltimore (@ 11 yrs) I was popular because I was the new girl in town. I was that shiny new toy that everyone wanted to play with so I was never alone. Everybody wanted to talk to me, and get to know everything about me. It wasn't until high school that I started to carve out a voice for myself. I was able to find out the things I'd like to do, what worked for me and what didn't. They say college is where you find yourself, but that process happened for me in High School.

Now as an adult, I feel like I'm right back in High School. I'm right back at the beginning trying to find out the things that works for me. This time I'm on my own. I have no friends, I don't have my mother, I don't have a father (Not that I ever had him) this time everything (good or bad) falls on my shoulders. I just want to be happy in my own skin, and successful. I know my success may take time but I'm willing to put the effort in.

All my life I just wanted to be accepted by my peers but no matter how hard I try it never happens, Its like...

Tristan J interrupts...
You cant be serious!!! Life is not about being normal, about fitting in with the crowd, or about doing what's expectant of you. You said 'No matter how hard you try to fit in, it never happens?' That's because you aren't supposed to fit in!! I know it can be hard as hell to be out there alone with no one to turn to but you are a strong individual, and If anyone can succeed, its you!! Remember, "Each one of you has something no one else has, or has ever had: your fingerprints, your brain, your heart. Be an individual. Be unique. Stand out. Make noise. Make someone notice. That's the power of individuals." -Jon Bon Jovi

Love Lost

"I won't tell your secrets Your secrets are safe with me I will keep your secrets Just think of me as the pages in your diary"

Diary by Alicia Keys

Listening to this song today in present time makes me smile at the great times that we shared and cry at the fact you're not here anymore. I was someone's diary once upon a time, I was the one who held all of their secrets, their dreams and their past. I had never felt love like this until 'Lee' came into my life. He was such a cool drink on a hot day, he was refreshing to be around. No matter what was going on his life (Believe me there was a lot) he made sure I was his #1 priority. It saddens me to think about 'Lee' only because we could never be together again. He committed suicide on New Years day of '07. Im not sure If I even 100% got over that lost. I mean I still believe he is going to call, or im going to run into him when Im upstate but that never seems to happen. 'Lee' was the only man I've dated that I saw a forever future with. It was like we just clicked! We never had an arguement, but yes we disagreed from time to time, however we calmly listened to each other. It was the perfect relationship and I do feel since he is gone, that a big part of me is missing too. I've stopped comparing other guys I date to him but Its still hard to accept that he is really gone. I loved 'Lee' with my whole heart. . . Its crazy thinking back on the love we shared. Love like that doesnt happen everyday but Im hoping to experience that again in my lifetime.

~Jonez

P.S RIP Ali Sidney (Forever and a Day)

Untitled (Def Poe)

Through the darkness I followed your path
Blinded by the need to be loved and supported
Ignored my inner intuition to please your mental and physical.
Number one priority no longer being me but you and your happiness.
Waking up to realize this isn't the life I'd planned nor the life I want
Knowing what needs to be done but too scared to take the first steps
Listening to the apologies and wishing they were true
Enjoying the attention and affection but hating the criticism
Shielding my face while blows were thrown
Praying to make it through another day
Living scared but reminising about when times were great
Paranoid to get away from you, I knew you would keep your word and
kill me.
Getting driven to the emergency room with a black eye and broken ribs
Finally finding the courage to leave
Living again
Breathing again
And eventually loving again

Sent from my iPhone

My Motivation

When I feel like giving up, these are some of the words that help me to continue on. ~Jonez

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."~ Thomas A. Edison

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."~ Wayne Gretzky

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. "~ Mark Twain

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy"~ Dale Carnegie

"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."~ Nora Roberts

"Do one thing every day that scares you."~ Eleanor Roosevelt (MY FAVORITE)

"Dream your dreams with open eyes and make them come true."~ T. E. Lawrence

Welcome back Ms. Jones

As sad as I am to have left Los Angeles, I'm kinda happy I left. This trip put a lot of things into focus for me, one major thing being my future. I take my writing very seriously however I can't honestly say I've been grinding as hard as I could be. Yes I have more doors opening up for me in these next few weeks but I have to push the envelope. Yes I was extremely overwhelmed with work, moving and the LA trip but that's no real reason why I should have been "standing still". I should be writing twice as many blog entries, doing three times as many music reviews, working even more hours at work. It's never enough, when it comes to promotion and marketing. No I haven't been slacking and I've accomplished many things already with the limited resources I have. Not only did I have a beautiful time in LA, I found a part of myself I had forgot about; my passion to be successful, to be the best I can possibly be. Growing up I made my decisions based on the opinions of others but as soon as I started living according to my rules, I started living fabulously! I was always told I was destined for greatness, and that's what I strive for, anything else would be unacceptable.
-Jones

Sent from my iPhone

(Live in LA) . . . Final Destination

(Live in LA) Dinner 4 two!

(Live in LA) Welcome to Hollywood

(Live in LA) Star Maps Anyone?

Yes I went on the tour of Hollywood and I had a good time however I enjoyed myself way more just being driven around. Even though I participated, it's such an invasion of privacy. I didn't take one photo of any celebrity homes because I dont know how I would feel about strangers taking random photos of my personal space. Those tours thrive on society being so obsessed with how the other 'half' of the world lives. It even seems like the recession has boosted that obsession. Think about it, five years ago, reality shows werent booming as much as they are right now. I dont know if its because we need a visual picture of how our lives could possible be? Or its better to watch what someone else has, and be content with that? Its weird, you can compare it to being hungry but instead of cooking, you watch the cooking channel?? Thoughts anyone? ~J

(Live in LA) Pool Side Edition

(Live in LA) Sugar Edition

I know I don't usually write about me but this week is different due to the circumstances. So tonight, we went to club Sugar and I must say I had a blast! Yes it couldve been the two drinks I had but whatever the case I had a really good time. It really felt like I was back in Bmore, waiting in line to get into Hammerjacks! Y'all remember that? Wooowww! Anyway we had to pay 20$ but I enjoyed every minute of myself.

(Live in LA) Up Up and Away, Not Exactly!

So excited to be finally travelling to Los Angeles, California. It seems like I've been planning for this moment since & '05 and I'm almost there. There's just one problem, my flight is grounded in Louisiana!! Theres an extremely big storm in Dallas,Tx (where we connect flights to LA) so we are sitting here trying to wait out the storm. The waiting isnt so bad but I'm sooo hungry which means I'm going to start getting impatient. What there's an announcement. . . (5 minutes later) Looks like we are stuck in Shrevport, Louisiana for the next few hours. My partner in Crime, J*Nellz, is tired of the waiting game we're playing and rightfully so. I think I'm nearing that point, but I'm not trying to let anything spoil this for me.
-Jones

Sent from my iPhone

Tristan Blue?

Tristan Blue?
I don't know what is but I'm feeling so down today. Ever since I got to work, I've just been out of it. I think I just been so wrapped up with the harassment of "Bob" that I haven't had time to really get excited about my trip, or the good things that have been going on lately. I guess its just now hitting me that I was taken advantage of, and that feeling is the worst in the World. I'm so upset, but not because "Bob" betrayed me, but because I believed in him. The money and the items he stole from me, I can always get back, but he can never get that respect back. I know better than anyone that relationships can turn sour, but I lost time that I can never get back.

I know that things happen for a reason but "Bob" is still in my mental and I so want him out of there. I don't want to let this situation stop me from being myself, and acting the way I normally do but I cant help it. I don't want to meet anyone, I don't want to have a connection with anyone, I don't want to date anyone, I don't even want to be bothered with anyone simply because I'm scared of going thru this again. I know its going to take time for this feeling to go away but I want to be rid of my ex.

Sometimes, I look at myself and wish I'd been smarter to see his bullsh!t for what it was. As much as I don't want to be bitter and wish bad things for him, I cant help but to feel that way. "Bob" stirred up a lot of unnecessary things to happen with me and now I have to deal with the consequences. I just hope my life returns to semi normality soon.
~J

Fool me ONCE, Im the damn FOOL (The Game)

Maybe...
I was blinded by love to see what was really going on, and Ive admitted that before. During the relationship, I was isolated from the rest of the world. WE created our own world, but It wasn't real. I was lied to and betrayed by someone who I gave my heart to. If I would've known the break up would have resulted in this.. I might had never dated him to being with. Its a shame that I have to deal with the aftermath. After being cheated on, lied to and disrespected, I made my exit. I wasn't raised to accept any type of ill treatment, especially when I did everything I could to make him happy.

Even after I broke up with him (due to his cheating) I was still paying the AT&T cellular phone bill (200$), his ConEd bill (100$-300$) and sometimes giving him money to have in his pocket. I couldn't see then that all of that was just his ploy to get me to be closer to him. I was done, in my heart, so I knew there would never be a relationship between us again. Looking back on it now, I see I should've cut all ties with him and kept it moving. Since I've stop talking to him as a friend, he has started making threats, harassing me, and just scaring the hell out of me. I'm scared that I'm going to be in Brooklyn, see him and he is going to hurt me. Bob has also broken into my storage unit and stole all my cleansers. Yes you read correctly HE STOLE ALL MY SOAPS!! Like who does that?

So I feel like that was my breaking point and he has to learn that this isn't acceptable. In addition to stealing from me, Bob has also had my iPhone service turned off but what he failed to realize is I can still get service!! I cant receive text messages or voice calls, however I can still broadcast TRISTANJONEZ.BLOGSPOT.COM!!! At the end of the day, I feel like he is trying to break my spirit, but guess what "BOB" that sh!t didnt work. It seems like nothing you try works out for you, I wonder why?
People, Remember you dont NOT have to tolerate someone disrespecting. Love isnt supposed to hurt!
~Jones

The Sweetest Temptation

Alright So I know you like to be kept in the loop so here's my monthly list of new projects, fantasy projects and random tid bits.

*I was thinking about starting something "Live in ..." Basically detailing where I am when I'm in other states. I'm going to try it when I visit LA, so that will be a test run?? I'll b sure to try and include photos, key word, TRY!
*I know the advice column isn't consistent but I don't want this blog to only focus on that. But I am getting your emails, so I was thinking maybe having a day for advice?Or maybe an advice week? I'm still brainstorming ideas about that.
*Since Guest Appearance week was a success, expect to see more of that as we go forward in the year.
*I'm no food or beverage critic, but since I've started going out alot more lately, I'm thinking of doing reviews on these places but not in the regular way? I'm still thinking of ways to put MY spin on that, but look out for that soon.
*I know photos have been requested and Im slow to do certain things, but that's at the top of my list!!
So as you see I have a lot on my plate, but Im still bringing the hottest flavor to you without u even leaving the comfort of your home.
Side note: Im doing allllllllll of this from my trusty iPhone!

~Jones.

Friends 4 Life (Throw Back Wednesdays)

Hey all,
Yes thats a younger version of the fabulous Tristan Jones(Front & Center). This picture was taken years ago, I had to be about 14. I was scrolling through some of my old photos and I couldnt help but smile when I came across this one. We were known as Bmore's Finest Four, (catchy right?) anyway we were the best of friends. Im telling you we did everything together. My best friend Tracy (white shirt behind me) was my next door neighbor so naturally we bonded. Ashley (white shirt on my left) & Chantel (white shirt on my right) were best friends. We never hung out together but I think Tracy and Chantel went on a Boys & Girls sponsored trip, leaving behind Ash and myself. So we started hanging out since they were gone. When they came back we all just started hanging together. Things have since changed, since I move back to NYC, 5 years ago. Chantel and Tracy both have beautiful babies, Im even the godmother of Tracy's baby. Ashley is a successful beautician working in a popular salon in Baltimore City. And me?, You guys already know what Im doing. Its so crazy that as kids, I would've never imagine that I wouldnt still be living in Bmore and best friends with these amazing women. Im still doing the best that I can to maintain those friendships while living in NYC and jet-setting all over the place. Im just extremely happy to have been blessed with not one but three BEST FRIENDS.

~Tristan J aka Lil' New York

It was More like Spoken Word.

So Im back on full grind mode. Im moving into my new place next week, then the next day Im off to LA!!! I was (in my mind) thinking about writing poetry again. I know its been ages since Ive written anything of that calibur, but I wanted to do that so I could promote myself at poetry slams. I live in one of the most well connected cities, so I believe if I start putting myself out there more, I could get the response Im looking for. Its not always about WHAT you know, its more like WHO you know. I've been so caught up with my personal life and my job life that I havent been focusing on my writing life 100%, and I think thats why I was so willing to give it up. This is NOT a game to me, I know my voice can/cant influence someone and I want to make sure they are listening to me when Im sane. I scrapped the 'advice column' for a few days because I didnt want my personal life to affect the kind of advice I would normally give. But Im back and more determined to make this thing work. I see great things for my future, and I want to share all my experiences with you.
"A little girl lost, can and will find her way, all she needs is the courage in herself"

~Tristan Jones

Man On Fire...Blowing Up?

UPDATED: SORRY FOLKS, I HAD A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS, BUT IM GOOD NOW. I KNOW THAT QUITTING ISNT SOMETHING I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR, SO IM GOING TO KEEP DOING MY THING. I ALSO RECEIVED GREAT NEWS LAST NIGHT, IN ADDITION TO ME BEING INTERVIEWED LATER ON IN THE WEEK, I WILL ALSO BE WRITING MUSIC REVIEWS FOR AN ONLINE MAGAZINE. HOW COOL IS THAT? SO ALL OF MY 'UNSIGNED HYPE' FEEL FREE TO SEND ME YOUR MUSIC, YOU NEVER KNOW, IT MAY FIND ITS WAY TO MY REVIEW. ~TRISTAN JONES

Hey All, I wish I could thank you all for rocking with me from day one personally but I can't. Even though writing has helped me get through a number of events, I think Im no longer inspired. Im so depressed right now, that Im being forced to put the pen down. Just like you, I hope its temporary, however I can't help but to think its the real thing. Im sorry if anyone is disappointed, Im disappointed in myself.

Love Always, Tris... Tiffany C

No Comment?!?

I'm going to be brief and to the point. There has been only two negative (or to be perceived as negative) entries on my blog. I have wrote about many things, some more personal than others, however I'm free to write about whatever. A reader left a comment on 'Family Death' and I kinda didn't really see a need for one. Simply because a relationship with my sibling is pretty much done. No amount of comments is going to change that. If the reader wants change between us then I think they have their work cut out for themselves. What I fail to realize is there are many postings but yet the reader chose to comment on that particular posting. Stop dwelling on the little things and pay closer attention to the other brilliant postings I've written about. ~T.Jonez

The BIG ONE!!

Alright, I know I've kept you in suspense about my big announcement but just know you didn't wait in vain. As you all know Im a writer and I ultimately want to have a major book deal, a publisher and all that good stuff. Well anyway On April 17,2009 Im going to Los Angeles, California to follow my dreams. I know your like why cant you do that here in New York, but I desperately need a change of scenery. I brought a round trip ticket but Im not 100% sure If Im going to actually come back to New York City. I had my first request for an interview a few days ago, so things are starting to slowly but surely take off for me, and I hope that you can be happy for me. I had a distant friend, tell me to make sure I stay the same person I am right now after the fame and fortune comes, but y'all know Im not going to change. Im actually kinda glad that my family has turned their backs on me, cuz when Im successful, I wont have anyone yelling how much they helped me make it there. Being the black sheep forces me to push myself as hard as I can because I know how much is at stake. ~Jones