To have & To hold

Dear Jones, My boyfriend of two years recently confided in me that he cheated on me. I immediately broke up with him and moved out of his home. I do love him but the relationship is over for me. Everytime I look at him, I see him having sex with someone else. I told him to give me space to let me breathe but he is doing everything but that. During our relationship when I needed him the most he was always there for me so as much as I hate him right now I'm not sure if I should leave permantely. -Left over Lust

Dear LOL, I speak from the heart when I say I'm sorry that your boyfriend cheated. I've been through that and it sucks. I can't tell you if you should stay or go however whatever you chose to do you should stay true to that. If he isn't trying to give you the space you've requested then take it. Stop answering his phone calls, texts, and emails. If necessary turn your phone off. Right now you need time to process everything without someone in your ear. Yes it's true, it can take years to build trust in someone and only a second to break that. However if you really want to work things out you have to be willing to put his past faults behind you and move on. LOL, no matter what you chose you have to forgive him. You will never be able to move on with your life as long as you hold on to that resentment towards him, you have to forgive him for you. I was once told "feel with your head but think with your heart". After being cheated on that statement is the most sensible thing anyone could've told me. -Jones

Little Girl Lost

Growing up without a father is hard whether your a girl or boy but I think its especially tough on a daughter. I remember being around 13 growing up in Baltimore City and missing my father. None of my best friends had there dads either but we all dealt with it in different ways. Two of my friends Jessica and Michelle became sexually active, searching for love in the arms of the opposite sex. Stephanie dropped out of school determined to be the bad ass of the group. I was no angel but I stayed from having sex simply because I was scared to. I couldnt drop out of school because my mother wouldve beat my ass. I knew not having my dad around affected my mom but not in the way you would think. It wouldve been a lot of pressure off my mom to get me the things I needed. In high school I was very active in extracurricular activities. My mom wanted me to excel not only in school but outside of school as well. I can remember my mom being at every game, every uniform fitting and every event that I asked her to come to. I also remember every event that my dad missed. As I got older I learned to just live with the short comings of my dad but I have no connection to him now. When I think about how a man should be, my dad doesnt pop up. For a long time I didnt want to have kids, because I wouldnt want their father to disappoint them the way my father did me. As an adult I know I can do anything I put my mind to only because my mother supported & encouraged my dreams. If I wanted to design a car that could fly she would encourage me to do exactly that. I have no memories of my father encouraging me to do anything but join the army. Can u imagine me in the army!?! I have ZERO desire to join the army but he still pushes that idea onto me. My dad has no idea about who I am as a person which I believe is very sad. I would think one of the joys of having a child is opening their eyes and their world to the secrets of life. Recently during an argument my dad told me "At this Age, Im not concerned with being a good parent". I was like and you wonder why I dont have any respect for you. During that same argument he went on to explain that at 23 I should be living on my own. Which is something I agree, however when a person, no matter the age, moves back home its because they have no choice, to save money or both. I moved back in with the man (dad) because it was my last choice. Even in the event of saving money, 'dad' still enforced me paying 'rent'. Like WTF? U would think I could get a break but nope. The final straw came a few days ago. I start classes in about 2 weeks, however my beloved laptop has crashed!!! (RIP) So because of my dads job (He gets a discount) I asked him if he would buy it for me and Id pay him back. But I asked him for the favor about 4 months after complaining about my old one. No he didnt volunteer! Anyway so I picked out the one I wanted and I thought everything was good. So after a few days I text him asking him if my computer was on the way. He tells me he has call them back to confirm. So ok then maybe three days later I text him again. This time he replies Dell has to speak to me first. At this point Im extremely pist off because he is giving me the run around. So while at work I call his cellular phone. I ask him whats the problem but instead of being honest with me he tries to continues to bullsh!t me. So I just get fed up and tell him I dont want or need his help. I want to curse him out but I vaguely remember Im at work so I dont. I only asked because he was my last option. It seems since I was a little girl my father has ALWAYS found a way to disappoint me. Sometimes I used to watch television and pretend the good tv dads were my dad. Im just blessed to have had a mother would loved me with her whole heart. She loved me so much that I didn't have to search the streets for love, I knew I had it at home.

-Tristan J

Sisterly Love

Im going to be so extremely honest because this is an issue I want people to learn from. My mother gave birth to two girls so yes I do have an older sister. Growing up we were never close, she is 12 years older than me. Anyway Sierra, after my mother died, started to be extremely hard on me. I can understand my sibling wanted me to overcome my depression but she did it completely wrong. I longed to have a sister who I could turn to and talk about the way I was feeling since I knew she would be able to understand. A few months after my mom died I unsuccessfully committed suicide. Outside I looked great but inside I felt hollow. There was no one there for me, no shoulder for me to lean on when I could barely stand on my own two feet. A lot has happened in those four years since my mothers death but one crucial fact is I hate my sister, Sierra. She made my Life hell, there are things that an 18, 19 year old female shouldn't have to go thru and shouldn't have to do. I'll leave the details for my novels but I hold a serious resentment for Sierra. If she had been a better human, person and sister she couldve seen that I was dying inside. In my heart I know this isnt the way siblings are supposed to behave towards each other however I now realize that I dont need her approval to follow my dreams. My friends are the world to me because they have always been there even when family wasnt. They are my family and I hold so much love in my heart for them. Currently me and Sierra arent speaking to each other. The silent treatment lasted 6 months last time but this time I feel it being a lot longer. Its different this time cuz I truly dont give a rats as$ anymore. Ive stopped trying to get her attention long ago and started to focus solely on me and my writting. I think my breaking point was when she told me she was going to cosmo school for make up artistry. That was MY dream!! After I finished high school I was very much into the make up thing so I shared my feelings of going go LA to study it for I think 3 months but she flat out refused to give me the money to go. Eventually I gave up going to LA but now that Im older I regret not going. That;s one of the three things I regret not doing in my life. I allowed Sierra to have so much control over my life that when I started to think, act and do for myself maybe it freaked her out? I do believe that now toooo much has happened for me to try and patch things up, plus I really don't want to. Im at a point in my life where Im happy and I cant focus pleasing everyone else. I can only try to be the best person I hope to be. I 100% wish my sister the best that life has to offer and hope that she is as happy as I am. I do think that people should learn from this and keep the lines of communication opened. Its to late for me but it isnt for you! If something is done that you don't appreciate voice your opinions loudly. Its your life, you only get one so you have to make sure it's lived BY U to the fullest. -Tristan

P.S. I know this is a sensitive matter for people who know me so Im apologizing now for any hurt anyone might feel. I'm a writer and this is my form of therapy. -TJ

And the Runner up is...

Embarassed Much?

Okay, so I'm waiting for the E train at Forty Deuce this morning, singing and dancing like usual. So anyway the train comes and it's sort of crowded on one section of the train so I proceed to the other end of the train. As I'm doing this the train starts to move forward, I was caught off guard and tripped and stumbled into this older gentleman's lap!! I was so mortified, luckily he was extremely nice about the whole thing. I mean he did start his day off with a beautiful girl in his lap! What more could a man ask for along with his morning coffee? -Tristan J