Sisterly Love

Im going to be so extremely honest because this is an issue I want people to learn from. My mother gave birth to two girls so yes I do have an older sister. Growing up we were never close, she is 12 years older than me. Anyway Sierra, after my mother died, started to be extremely hard on me. I can understand my sibling wanted me to overcome my depression but she did it completely wrong. I longed to have a sister who I could turn to and talk about the way I was feeling since I knew she would be able to understand. A few months after my mom died I unsuccessfully committed suicide. Outside I looked great but inside I felt hollow. There was no one there for me, no shoulder for me to lean on when I could barely stand on my own two feet. A lot has happened in those four years since my mothers death but one crucial fact is I hate my sister, Sierra. She made my Life hell, there are things that an 18, 19 year old female shouldn't have to go thru and shouldn't have to do. I'll leave the details for my novels but I hold a serious resentment for Sierra. If she had been a better human, person and sister she couldve seen that I was dying inside. In my heart I know this isnt the way siblings are supposed to behave towards each other however I now realize that I dont need her approval to follow my dreams. My friends are the world to me because they have always been there even when family wasnt. They are my family and I hold so much love in my heart for them. Currently me and Sierra arent speaking to each other. The silent treatment lasted 6 months last time but this time I feel it being a lot longer. Its different this time cuz I truly dont give a rats as$ anymore. Ive stopped trying to get her attention long ago and started to focus solely on me and my writting. I think my breaking point was when she told me she was going to cosmo school for make up artistry. That was MY dream!! After I finished high school I was very much into the make up thing so I shared my feelings of going go LA to study it for I think 3 months but she flat out refused to give me the money to go. Eventually I gave up going to LA but now that Im older I regret not going. That;s one of the three things I regret not doing in my life. I allowed Sierra to have so much control over my life that when I started to think, act and do for myself maybe it freaked her out? I do believe that now toooo much has happened for me to try and patch things up, plus I really don't want to. Im at a point in my life where Im happy and I cant focus pleasing everyone else. I can only try to be the best person I hope to be. I 100% wish my sister the best that life has to offer and hope that she is as happy as I am. I do think that people should learn from this and keep the lines of communication opened. Its to late for me but it isnt for you! If something is done that you don't appreciate voice your opinions loudly. Its your life, you only get one so you have to make sure it's lived BY U to the fullest. -Tristan

P.S. I know this is a sensitive matter for people who know me so Im apologizing now for any hurt anyone might feel. I'm a writer and this is my form of therapy. -TJ