What goes around. . .

Sometimes im not sure how I should feel. How long should I be upset that things are falling apart? Is there even a time limit? I hate feeling sorry for myself so I give myself a grieving period. However lately the days have been merging into each other so im not sure how much longer my grieving period should last. One thing I can say is im sick, so so so so sick of feeling down and out. I want and need it to be over. I so want to b my happy, go lucky self and sooner than later.
It just sucks to have the feeling that nobody is there for me. Or the few that are don't really want to be there but they just doing it. U know just cuz. If u don't want to be here and be happy and willing then don't do me no favors. I mean it. At the end of the day I will always be ok, im a survivor and I've made it this far on my own so I have no doubts that ill b alright in the long run.
Im just ready to get my happy back.

Happy Dead Beat's Day

Fathers day is coming up and Im questioning myself if I should call my piece of shit father. I havent decided as of yet. We havent spoken in months so I dont really feel the need to call and say anything. And isnt Fathers Day recognition to the father who are actually in their kids lives? I mean I would think they should be recognized if they are doing something and he isnt. When I needed a father he wasnt there. Pride is a powerful thing! SMFH!

Then his birthday is two days later so Im really wondering If I should call. I dont have a problem with him just dont want to be bothered with him u know. Im content with not talking to him. So this phone call isnt like lets be friends, lets work out the problems simply because Ive done that before and he just doesnt give a fuk so I dont feel the need to try again.

Decisions Decisions.

Fun Times

Shit its really been almost three months to the day since I last wrote. WTF is going on with me? I mean yea for a while I could only write depressing works and I really wasnt in a place where I wanted to share that. Im tooo... everything! I def always seem to share more than what Im supposed to so consider this me scaling back. (shrugs shoulders)

I've been wanting to write for the past week but was too lazy to actually pick up my laptop for more than anything other than indulging in tv shows and movies that I've downloaded who know how long ago. Like today I spent several hours watching season two and three of United States of Tara. Yup just sitting & laying my ass on the couch. Is this what my life has been reduced to? I feel like Im without purpose. I've always been without a plan, just winging it. But now Im feeling like Im just walking around aimlessly.

So much shit is going on. Like If I told u I would feel embarassed. Maybe humilated? Idk Its so fucking frustrated dealing with the shit I have to deal with mostly because its in part because someone (not me) didnt handle their business and do what was needed. Ahhh thats neither here or there, whats done is done. So the motto is keep moving forward right? Then thats what I'll do.

I def need to revamp my blog. Turn it into something I can be proud of again but I just havent been in the mood to do more than just look at it. I remember a time when I was excited to share my world with you all but lately I've been blah. Blame it on work! On not being motivated at all!

Im really feeling like a move is def in order. Opening my Nail Bar has been on my mind lately so Im thinking of going to Miami for a lil while to scout locations as to where I would even put it. I fell in love with MIA a long time ago but I cheated on her with Los Angeles. So maybe now is the time to give her a second chance?

Time will tell.

-TJ

Silly You.

I dont understand why humans do the stupid things that they do. I thought I made it perfectly clear that I will not hesitate to delete you. Im not going to tolerate bullish anymore. I dont know what else or how else I can explain myself. Im not going thru the same bull that I went thru with my ex, If thats the case, then I can go and get back with him.

Im not giving up on love just giving up on the crap that comes with it. In the past week alone, I've meet a few dudes and ALL of them are full of sh!t. So Im going back to doing me, which includes focusing on ONLY me!

-xoxo

Post Valentine's Day

Now that the celebration is over we can actually have a conversation, and you'll pay attention. I think Valentine's Day should be everyday! I dont think it should be the one day where you profess your undying admiration for the one you love. Send them flowers on a random day, bring chocolates & candy just because it's been a rough week. Don't let there be an occasion, love is the occasion.
Yes Im single and thats perfectly fine with me. Im NOT bitter, I have no reason to be. I'm fortunate to be in a position to be meeting new and interesting people everyday. Im delighted that Im still open to the idea of being with a man and sharing myself with him however when it happens it will happen naturally and gracefully. I did have a valentine today though, (smile). No we didnt hang out or anything But the fact that 'he' asked was a really sweet thing to do.

Lovers, Remember to love yourself first! Everything else is secondary.

-xoxo

If

If I could burst out into tears right this second I def would. I've never felt more alone then right now. I just feel like no one understands to the fullest extent of how I truly feel. And it would be impossible to feel how Im feeling unless you were walking in my shoes. Who would've known it would be such a fight to get to your 'happy'?

Everyday giving up seems like the best option.

-xoxo

Dear Management,

I think the lady at my job who is 'in charge' on Monday's is one of the stupidest (Is that a word?) people I've ever ran across. I swear she is not mentally capable of being in charge of a group of people. I honestly hate coming to work when she is here... Even though Im grateful that I only have to spend two hours with her and then she goes home. Yes you have to be thankful for those small miracles.

-xoxo

Au Naturale

So I've begun my journey on becoming a natural diva! Im just tired of having it fried, dyed and laid to the side. My hair needs a def rest and me going natural is a way to leave the chemicals alone! So Ive spent the past week doing dry twist outs and twist outs but because I still have perm in my hair it doesnt come out the way it does in the photos and vids that I've seen. This morning I did braid outs just to see if my hair would finally act right and IT DID!! I was/am so happy with the results that Im going to stick with this for a while. I love that I can just slap a scarf or a headband and go. I even took plenty of photos to show my new style!!

-xoxo

My SisterGirl Monica!

I've always been a fan of Monica & Brandy but during my life I've had to listen to Monica to get me thru some of my toughest times! Its like shes my older sister who went thru everything first just so that I would be able to go to her for guidance. I will meet her in person and tell her the same things Im saying here... well Im not going to put everything imma tell her here but Imma def let her know that I appreciate her music! Shit I grew up listening to it, we all did.
Thru all of the heartache Monica went thru she seems to be doing better than ever! When she began a romance with Shannon Brown, I couldnt be happier for her! I look at her and know that at the end of the tunnel there is always a light. U might not be able to see that things will def turn around for you. So thank you Monica for always being there for me.. in spirit! You my SisterGirl.

-xoxo

Lie to me...

I cant stand a liar! I know there are plenty of things I shouldn't tolerate but I do however I refuse to be lied to. Its such an insult to my intelligence like dude I know more about a lil bit of things so It doesnt take a rocket scientist to know your not being honest. Plus the Internet is the best research tool so I can ALWAYS confirm if your really telling the truth. Im not going to go thru all that, If I think your lying then you are. I've relied on my gut feeling to keep me safe through everything and so far it hasn't failed me yet. So Rhandi, I hope your lies get you nothing and no where. Oh and next time keep the lie simple and it will go over much easier as$hole.

-xoxo

My Island Man!

Yo I dont want a boyfriend BUT the next guy I date I want him to be from the islands and be able to dance. I was watchin videos on youtube and I caught myself drooling from these men!!!! OMG! I have to go to a caribbean party and soon. I also creamed my pants (laughing) Maybe Its just been that long but omg I cant stand it. The only type of man I seem to attract is west indian men anyway maybe because they think Im one of their own? So I may have to scrap the vacation to Puerto Rico for a vacation in Ocho Rios?!!
-xoxo