I See you.

  So I have this annoying habit of trying to see the good in everyone, the person they would like to be. Unfortunately, that's one of my biggest flaws. I disregard who the person is and focus on who they, as they have told me, would like to become. I've met the men who were assholes, who wanted to be better, specifically more than what they were. I've met the prideful men who knew how they were but desperately wanted to make "a change". 

 As I've come to learn all these words are just that. Words! There is hardly ever any action to go along with what's been discovered about themselves. Why is that, I asked myself tonight? Well why changed when I'm only going to see the change you want to make and what's there. I'm growing // changing to recognize ppl for who they are and accepting that version of them. I know it only hurts me in the long run to think a man is going to do any different. 

 I don't want to be with a fixer upper, I want one that's already in control, and knows which version of himself that wants to be with me. 

Tristan J.

That Moment

It's happened. That moment where your boyfriend tells you he's no longer attractive to you because you've gained weight. Did I cry my eyes out? Yes. Never did I think I would be in a situation where someone would say that to me especially someone who "loves" me. However he did! 

The first thing that comes to my head is "ok well you don't look as you did when I met you however you don't see me complaining". But then it's like why haven't I been complaining? Why did I accept his deflated body when I knew I fell for something completely different? Don't I deserve the best of anyone? But that's not even the issue, if he felt like I wasn't taking what he was saying serious why not put action to it? Simply meaning, why not invite me to his gym? Maybe I can't make it to my own on my own but if I had, lets say a boyfriend to be that initial push well then maybe I could finally drop the pounds. I love when someone points out your flaws but do absolutely nothing in helping to make you a better person. 

It could've been his delivery that made me cringe versus what he actually said. 

Either way, my tears were not in vain. I will lose the weight and then I'll rid myself of him. Permanently. 

-TJ

I'm back!

It's taken some time for me to really decide if I was going to get back into writing but with all the craziness that goes on in my day to day life, I desperately needed an outlet! So why deny myself the opportunity to share my feelings, and mostly my issues with you? 

I've always respect the singer Monica. I saw, and still do, her as my sistergirl. She was an older, wiser friend who had been through all the things I would eventually go through and she would be able to help me navigate through life sh*t. So here I am! I'm not perfect and never aspire to be, however I do aspire to be the best version of myself. So welcome on my journey to happiness... It's somewhere between Chicago and Law school, but wherever it leads to I'm sure it's going to be an adventure. 

-Tristan J