Im having one of the worst days in my effin life. Im so disgusted with everything I could break down and cry right now! But that wouldn't do anything but make my eyes red & swollen. Im so (Insert word here) that I could smoke and drink into submission. How I'd love to forget about ALL my problems if just for only one day.
Im through with people... Im so tired of being there for EVERYBODY but having no one here for me. So as of August 1, 2009, Im not speaking/talking to anyone. Whats the point of it all to still feel alone. So that's it.
Im going to be homeless on Sept 1, but yall already knew that was bound to happen. I try <--- Key Word to maintain more stability but sh!t with me, nothing ever goes to plan. EVER! Maybe I'll speed up the move date to LA. I remember reading about all the (past) celebrities who went to Hollywood with only pennies in their pockets. Screw it add me to that list.
Church This Sunday... why? Because at this point, Im willing to try anything!
My biggest fantasy is actually pretty tame compared to a lot of the ones I've heard. I would be at a bar alone chatting casually with some of the patrons. I would strike up a more personal conversation with whatever guy I thought was attractive and seemed interested in me. So as we're talking our convo would eventually turn to sex and I'd speak just a little louder so ppl around us would hear some of the sexual things I was saying. I would want them to get turned on by some of the things I'm telling this guy I want to do to him. Obviously while we're talking I'm sipping on something lite (cranberry vodka) so he knows its not just the liquor talking.
So okay time is passing and I'm still talking sh!t getting him hyped for the things to come when a "random" guy walks into the bar. He takes a seat next to me, I order another drink (something stronger), but the random guy pays for it. I continue on with my conversation but then the random guy cuts in with something like "If I left this bar without you, I'd be a fool. Let me take you home and beat ya sh!t up right." Then I would kiss him as passionately as I could and we'd leave the bar hand in hand. The random guy would take me to a hotel and we would continue to role play. However the random guy wouldn't be random at all but the guy would be my current beau.
I have so many emotions going through my mind right now! Im angry, happy, sad everything!!! Wtf? Maybe I am the crazy one of the family... OR NOT! I dont know, lately I've been feeling so alone. I feel like nobody really knows the REAL me. Except I can't let anyone get toooo close, they might fu(k me over. ARGHHHH Depressed maybe? I've been missing my first love like crazy, especially with the rewrite of this damn book. I could always talk to him, even when we werent in a relationship. FUKC!! Maybe Im dying?? I wake up everyday with a headache, EVERYDAY! Stress, possibly... Who knows? Im not a damn doctor, sh!t Im barely a writer.
Im isolated even though I want to be noticed & accepted by my peers. I show who I am, but tend to pull back because people just seem not to get it. I do love my few friends though. Then LA is looming over my head. I want to go but I am supposed to go? WTF (again)...
-Tristan J
There's a thin line between being loyal & being a fool. But how do you separate one from the other? How do you determine when enough is enough? How do you stick to your guns when your former friend needs you now? How can you turn your back when if the shoe was on the other foot, you think they would be there for you?
As much as I hate being played I would hate it even more if that one time a 'friend' needed me I wasnt there. How can I turn and walk away away from the friendship that was built? A person will only do to you what you allow to be done. So am I willing to let my so called friend continue to embarass and disrespect me? Sometimes, no most times, we dont know what we have until its gone. I honestly believe people come into your life for different reason but when their time is over you have to let them go. And I think it's time I let go.
Threesomes? If so can things ever go back to being the way they were before it?
I've never personally thought about having a threesome until recent. My former love interest said he was very interested in having one, hence me thinking about it. I would like to believe Im open minded about sex but to invite another person into my bed & relationship? And if I were to say yes would we ever be able to go back to just us two? Matter fact does this now mean we are ready for another level of sexual gratification? Personally Im selfish so if the spotlight is on anyone but me then its prolly not going to workout.
Another question that would arise, what if your partner enjoys them more than you? Would it be ok if they continued together or possibly without you? If he was to leave you could you be the one to blame since you opened the door for such to happen? Honestly im still on the fence as to what i would do personally however whatever I choose will be for my sexual gratification first and foremost. I believe too many times people are pressured into doing sh!t by their partners that they really haven't thought through or just aren't ready for. YES be willing to keep an open mind but NO don't compromise when it doesn't benefit you. Sometimes being selfish is the KEY to keeping your relationship & your sanity.
So after a break up I try to still remain friends. No not right after but eventually. I've never cheated on an ex but sometimes my attitude is the cause for the breakup. Whatever the reason I try to maintain that friendship, that we had before the relationship started. I have an ex from Baltimore who we've remained friends since the breakup. We met while in high school, dated briefly before I moved to NYC but went back to being friends. We ran into each other one weekend while I was in Bmore and started talking again. By this time I was twenty I believe so we decided to give a relationship another try since we were older and supposedly more mature. I was still living in NYC and he was in Bmore but we were only four hours away from each other. So things were going smoothly but then I found out he cheated.
Of course it hurt me so I changed all my numbers so he couldn't get in contact with me and started to move on. I believe a year later he found me on Black planet so we slowly became friends again. I was now dating someone and was in the process of moving in with him but upon hearing that he stopped calling. I'll say towards the end of that relationship my ex from Bmore & I started speaking again but he was no in a relationship. We have a lot of history between us (A LOT)however, how could I start a relationship with him again when the situation is still the same? I still live in NYC and he still live in Bmore, and neither one of us have any plans of changing that. Obviously he loves me and I him but I think remaining friends is the best decision for the both of us. Just because you love someone doesn't always mean you two are supposed to be romantically together. However I cant predict the future and anything is possible.
Since Im on my Cali ish right now, this is the PERFECT song to go with that vibe! Enjoy dumbin' out and Going stupid!
[Hook]
(Young L)
Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers
Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers
Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers
Red coat white but my vans look cleaner
Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers
Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers
Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers
U Wearin' coke whites cuz my vans look clean
[Verse 1]
Got my vans on, finna out walk out the door
Put five on the grapes so u know i'm gon' blow
Got the new pack shoe, bought it right out the door
Holla at the dope girls, dope boys all GO...
Man, if u really tight, then u gotta get vans
See me in the club, b!tch i'ma grown man
If you see me at a party, then it must be crack
Cost 36 dollars, all black, yes
Like my nig9as may slap and we get clothes mayne
Fukk coke whites, cuz my vans fukkin' gold
Got new top-siders finna fly like kites
Go to sleep in the day, go to parties at night
Man, i'm from B-town and all my nig9as get like...
Man, we be sportin vans and we throw away Nikes
If u wanna get right, stop buyin those Nikes
Get some new fukkin vans and u'll bet u look icey...(hey)
[Hook]
[Verse 2]
I wear checkered vans the same color as snow (hey)
When Uno spit crack, the same color as coke (yes)
Got my vans on, but they look like sneakers
U wearin coke whites, but my vans are clean
They slip in and out real easy, like blunts
U can get different colors, like rainbows
Since 1966, Vans had set a trend
I got a blue pair, yea, in a size 10
Get ur grown man on, when u wear top-siders
Button ups and sweaters, equal attire
Either 1, 2 step
Yea, get ur boogie on
Go slide real quick, like you got skates on
They some punk rock shoes, so they get real dirty
Sole kinda thick, like a big booty chick
A big booty chick?... yea, thas what i said
36 dollars and ur cashin out for some vans (hey)
[Hook]
[Verse 3]
(Yea, Young L, lets go)
Yea, i'm raw nigga, wit my got damn vans on
Slip 'em off, slip 'em on, cuff in my pants,
So they don't get torn in the back
It's a punk rock shoe, with the logo in the back
Got the red ones laced up in a size 10
Got the all black vans on witta skull head
I GO...
Catch me in my vans goin dumb
At a function or a party, we gon' get this shyt started
They got all kinda vans, like checkered different colors
If u lace 'em pass the fourth hole, u some type of sucker
Once copped me a pair from the skateboard shop
Went home, they didn't fit, then i had re-cop
I give a fukk, yea ya boy rock slip ons
But I bet i'll snatch ur chick wit my got damn vans on
Holla at cha boy, but i can tell ya where i got these
Vans don't cost G's, real nig9as wear these vans (yea...)
[Hook]
[Verse 4]
(Yea, yea, lets go...)
In my van shoes, but they look like sneakers
Yea, they old skool, like high-top Adidas
Now we gettin money, all these niggas wanna be us
But i don't give a fukk cuz my whole team see us
These nig9as wouldn't bust a nut in a porno flick
Black on black, so they won't get dirty
Lookin like a grown man, feelin like i'm 'bout 30
Super official, Short blow the whistle
Talk to my pistol if u got an issue
Smokin' purple stuff, got my eyes all hazy
Play dat Young Stunna, dope girls go crazy
My vans go stupid, skitz-oh-manie
Better cuff ya chick, slip-ons get ladies
U can have them coke whites wit them dirty ass laces
Nig9a, vans GO, all u lame nig9as face it
But my vans lime green, yea, i'm flyer than a space ship
Right now Im into the skateboarder chick thing so that explains the shoes. I found these womens sneakers (Wellesley Hi) over at Vans.com Cop them at http://shop.vans.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product2_10001_10119_10101_604247_-1
As you all know I barely watch television but the new season of Army Wives have started and Im equally addicted. Its such a good show!!! This season, so far, Denise and Frank got a divorce because she cheated however in the last episode they reconciled. Im getting the feeling that they might get back together but Denise still just took that new job in Denver. Im wondering if she is still going to go? Pamela and Chase ended the episode off with smiles but there is still a power struggle going on. When Chase is away Pamela is the mother & father, but Chase feels like when he comes home Pamela doesnt know how to just be the mother and wife. I could possibly agree with him however he doesnt always verbalize it correctly. Roxy and Trevor ended the episode with Trevor bringing home a dog that was going to the pound. At first Roxy said no but soon changed her mind, due to the kids begging. In the Burton home, they have just christened their baby since Joan will be going off to Iraq soon. Although she got the green light to stay at Ft. Marshall, she felt it was her duty to her country to go to Iraq. Michael came back home and Emilyann is still acting a damn fool. Claudia Joy is doing the best to keep the family together but things were starting to really tear at the seams. Im assuming in the next few weeks they are going to be having a little girl living with them since her family was killed in Iraq so that could possible start to mend the Holden family.
As you can see Im really into Army Wives!! It comes on Sunday's @ 10 on Lifetime. So if you ever get a chance to watch it, Please do!!
I found these on a website called Karmaloop.com and Im head over heels in love. Last week they were 102$ but today they are now 98$, so Im going to try to wait it out before I purchase them.
-Jonez
Hey People,
I took a few days off from writing, to focus more on my book and to hit up some events. So now Im back to give a end of the month run down.
*I've added the section Can I have some... SEX?. One day last week I had a break through, plus most of the conversations I have currently are based on sex which includes why Im not having any (Laughing)
*Im becoming this crazy shoe lover and Im thinking of toying with the idea of adding a section dedicated to that. Possibly called "Fierce Forward", "Where'd you get them at?" Or the more typical name "She got a mean shoe game" So look out for that soon (Maybe this week)
*I havent forgotten about ladies week, its coming. Just not too sure when, but still look out for that as well.
*PICTURES!! I know you want photos, and Im doing my best. Isnt my best good enough?? I guess it isnt, since you still email me about them. Promise they are coming.
I think the next few weeks are going to keep you very interested & Entertained!! So keep reading and commenting.
~JONEZZZZZZ
BTW: I just added another section dedicated to fly sneakers Called "Where'd you cop them at?"
Do you require knowing how many sexual partners your mate has been with?
Personally I don't tell my number! No its not because I'm ashamed, or its high, or because of anything. I honestly feel whats my in my past is in my past and it doesn't affect my future. I also will not ask for your sexual number. There's a stigma attached to numbers. For example if a female has bedded 25 men, instantly she's considered a ho but if she tells you whatever you CONSIDER a low number you may think she is being dishonest. And lets not forget if she doesn't know her number!
In my opinion as long as you both have been tested and received negative results then numbers don't matter. Most times the past deserves to stay there!
It seems like every time I write something I ALWAYS get in trouble! This is MY FORM of release! Sometimes I just write whatever I feel at that exact moment. I go thru a million emotions a day so at 10am I might hate you, but then at 6pm I might be happy with you. I change my emotions daily, hey call me crazy! (Not really, I HATE being called crazy)
I understand it takes great patience to be a friend of mine. Especially when you don't know if something is going to end up on my blog for the world to read. I would prolly be a lil upset if I read something about myself. BUT I'm a writer and you ARE my BIGGEST INSPIRATION. I don't think I portray you in a negative light, and if I do I code your name and change up the situations. I'm not perfect and I'm working on doing the right things better.
So this is my sincerest apology to ANYONE (DT) who feels like I disrespected them. From now on, I'll keep my friends off the pages of my imagination.
I just got off the phone with my dad (8:12am) and the question that popped up (in my mind), can a broken father-daughter relationship be fixed? My biggest problem with my father is he doesn't listen! I feel like (in his mind) I'm still this little girl, but I'm not the once innocent baby girl he had. I'm older with a mind of my own, with opinions and a fierce attitude. I think my biggest flaws (I have many) is I have zero patience & I hold onto the pain when someone has hurt me. No I don't hold it against them, I just always remember it. I don't put myself out there to be hurt, and my parent is no exception. These last few years he has hurt me most especially since I was also dealing with the loss of my mom.
On a positive not he claims he wants to move forward and work at building a better relationship. I'm all for it however he as well as myself has to be READY and WILLING to make the necessary changes to make that suggestion into a reality. I for one am actually ready to be a "better" daughter, I'm glad he made the first move. So to answer the question can the relationship be fixed... We shall see.
As I was on the train Jazmine Sullivan's song "FEAR" came on and I so identified with it. I thought I would make a small list of things I'm scared of.
1. Scared that I'll fail
2. Scared that I'll never be good enough
3. Scared to let my guard down for fear that I'll get hurt
4. Scared that my mom wont be proud of the path I've chosen to take.
5. Im scared of being alone
6. Im scared of what the future holds, since I cant see it
7. Scared of love, for fear that it wont be returned
8. Scared of moving to Los Angeles and having to come back to New York.
I realize life is very short and I need to make the best of the life that I have now. The first step is to let that fear motivate me, but they say the first step is ALWAYS the hardest.
Life cant get any worst something happens to prove you wrong. I had one of the shittiest friggin days yesterday. In addition to ending a friendship, I also lost my zune. (Zune is microsoft's version of an IPod) I dont have a clue as to where I lost it!! I got into a hugh argument with DT and eventually we decided, or I decided, to end the "Relationship". When I left my cuz house, I forgot the groceries I brought which included my soap powder so I couldnt wash clothes this morning. To top everything off there was NO HOT WATER running in my building due to the boiler being broken!! SMFH, but then again, IM Still alive!
When is it the right time to ask the person you're dating about their HIV/AIDS + STD status? Do you ask after the second date? Or do you wait until the topic of sex comes up? What about if the topic never comes up, then what? Do you suggest you take the test together to put both of your minds at ease. And if that's done what would you do if your potential sexual partner actually has something, or even worst you have something?
I believe the best time to bring it up is obviously before you have sex. It's a question that's should be asked calmly such as would you like a glass of water. Simply say when was the last time you was tested for any STD's or HIV? When they answer don't forget to ask what were the results. Please don't assume everything was negative. If you don't trust their answer then going to the clinic together is a great option. However if you don't trust them then maybe this isn't someone who you should be having sex with at all. (Just Saying)
We all hear the stats about the growing number of new cases so that's why we cant be ignorant. In 2009 being ignorant is definitely NOT bliss.
Well I know I havent really been writing as frequent as I should but Ive been living. I've been experimenting with some new things lately so thats the reason for the delays in my postings, but I will promise to do better!! I actually just created a new section entitled Can I have some... Sex? It basically openly talks about Sex and everything assocaited with it. Obviously Im going to be very open but not in an raunchy way, everything will be done with class... Hopefully! (I mean we are talking about sex)
~Jonez
Today I lost a really good friend but then again, how good of a friend could they have been if I lost her? It seems as though jealousy arose because her sister and I were also friends.I've never had to explain my friendships to anyone so why would I start now? All the friendships I have are sacred so I keep them private, I don't report what one party says to another. Yes I've thought about posting the text messages (I still might) but what good would that do? We are still not going to be friends. I'm a loyal person to the end but you're not going to disrespect me. I'd rather take an L(Loss) and cut you off as a friend.
In a way I'm very HURT!! I confided in her and to find out she was talking about me through twitter stung but its cool. I could put her on blast and embarrass her but then I'm no better than her. It's a shame that a friendship had to end this way but better now than later. As the days go by my inner circle continues to get smaller.
Johnny Gill taught men how to treat woman, like woman. Listening to this song, shows that you can have a naughty good time and still treat a woman with respect. Can we have that in 2009? Seriously!
Sorry Im not posting the lyrics because I want you to really LISTEN, plus he is singing slow enough for you to understand. Enjoy!
So as a single lady, I know exactly how annoying the dating game can be but it can be as rewarding. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and she goes on about how she has an average of 4 dates a week. I'm like WTF? I barely go on a date, ever! LOL. She was just saying she's rather not put all of her energy into one man but divide it into several. This topic also came up at work and a female coworker made a comment about women dating multiple men, she basically said women that date are whores. I disagree 100%. Obviously there's a double standard in society, if a man dates multiple women he's keeping his options opened, if a woman does it, she loose! If you are being honest with these men, then it's nobodies business who you date. However if it is sexual, make sure you protect yourself every time ladies!
-Jonez
This song helped me at a early age to make sure my partner was treating me properly. Of course at the time, I didn't appreciate the lyrics but now? Definitely!
Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table,
and make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream...
Your eggs are overeasy, your toast unlikely,
all that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me...
Now you say the juice is sour, it used to be so sweet,
and I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me...
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting so deep,
I've got my pride, I will not cry, but it's making me weak...
I'm not your superwoman...
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down,
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...
I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you...
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you...
But when you get there, you just tell me you're not hungry at all,
you said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk...
You like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed,
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same...
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fair,
I've got my pride, I will not cry, still I can't help but care!!!
I'm not your superwoman...(oh no no no!!!)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...(I'm only human!!!)
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...
I'm not your superwoman...
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...
Oooh, baby!!!
Look into the corners of your mind,
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times,
but I can't be the superwoman that you want me to be!!
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me!!
I'm not your superwoman!!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...
Oh!!! If you feel it in your heart and you understand me,
stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me!
(hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...)
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet,
but you got to realize that you got to be sweeter to me!!!
I need love, I need just your love, I'm not your superwoman...
As I was on the train going home tonight I watched two young boys pretty much disrespect females as a whole. Even though I was disgusted by the type of conversation being held I sat quietly, listening. They talked about everything from this chick sucking them off to the one who didn't let them smash. It's crazy to me because I didn't start having sex until AFTER I graduated high school. So many guys start having sex at a young age, sometimes before females. Why is this? Is it society pressures on boys to be MEN? Being able to bust a nut doesn't make you a man though. Obviously it's not all but it's an alarming number. A old saying goes "Mommys baby and daddys maybe" if a man doesn't want to take care of his responsibilites he doesn't have to. Yes it's effed up but it happens. Either way it's the mothers responsibility. With more and more teen unwed mothers you have to ask who is being held accountable for these babies that are making babies? Sometimes we excuse the behavior of these young guys as just being young but I think that's where we go wrong. Just as we would address the way a female acts or dresses we need to do the same with the guys. With so many single mothers trying raise men it's time that the fathers get into their childs life. You as fathers need to instill morals and life values into them. Disclipline is just as important, especially in black men! More jails are popping up than schools. Society isn't doing much to find a solution to the problem, and sending them to jail is def NOT the answer. I love my city (Baltimore) more than words can express however the crime rate is crazy! I do believe If most of the youth, especially black males, had something constructive to put there energy into, the crime rate would reflect that. I know how I'm trying to help my former communtity, but what are you doing to inflict positive change in yours?
I wanted to interrupt your preprogrammed show to say Happy 23rd Birthday to my friend Ashley. I hope today brings you all the success of tomorrow. "Team 6"
~Tristan J
When I least expected it a friend emerges from the faceless crowd. I'm going through a bit of a dilemma, nothing serious, but I'm getting help from the most unlikely place. Its so crazy how someone can be so selfless and put your needs/wants before their own. My friend has definitely taken a great big weight off my shoulders and for that I thank you!!
~Jonez
There are only a few people who I feel as though I can actually count on. However when you aren't there when I need you, that's when you are basically cut from my inner circle. I need people that I can trust and if you aren't one of those people then why are you on my team? This is MY life! I promised myself that I would follow my dreams to wherever they took me. As my friends, your supposed to be my support system. Everyone know that there's no communication with family so for you to bail on me when I need you is unacceptable. So I do hope that you achieve all the success in the world. Take care of yourself "Va", we did have fun together.
-Jonez
I've started talking to this guy as a friend but my feelings are slowly changing for him. I've been hurt in the past, so I've stressed taking things very slow. I've recently learned that he is having sex with other females. (We've never had sex) However I don't think it's my place to say anything. What do u do when the guy your crushing on, is having sex with someone else?
-Torn
Dear Torn,
I used to say I just want to be the girl who guys could hang out with and really get to know. I would be delighted if they would have sex with other girls so then there wouldn't be pressure for me to have sex with them. And for me this arrangement worked out great until I met a guy I didn't want to share with anyone. Torn if you believe this is someone you would like to take it to the next level with then you have to communicate with him. Let him know how you feel about the situation, he might be willing to focus only on you. Your guy might want to be with you as well but since you stressed being friends in the beginning, he is prolly just keeping his options opened. Let him know your feelings have changed and you want to be his only option.
-Tristan J
Why do young girls have the impression that if they dress, or dance provocatively that guys are going to pay them mind or even treat them with respect? I'm not understanding where the influence is coming from? Could it be teen parents are influencing their kids to dress like them. Remember you learn from home first. Perhaps it's the celebrities? Sex does sell, so the youth try to emulate the images they see on tv. But then again it's up to the parent to regulate what's acceptable to watch on tv. I'm 23 but I barely watch tv accept for a show or two. I would rather read than sit in front of a television screen. I understand it's the summer and kids don't want to spend their free time reading however THE PARENT should make sure their children is doing more to enrich themselves. Learning still should be going on! There are many summer programs, many which are free, designed to help keep kids minds stimulated. They go to museums, promote team work, exercise the mind as well as the body. So why do I see so many young kids playing in front of their building instead of in one of these promising programs? The same reason young girls are starting to have sex in elementary school. There's a lack of parental guidance across the board. As a community we need to find ways to communicate to others. You may know something that can benefit someone else but you have to share information. We are fighting in a war, and our children are the target. Are you prepared to fight?
Im taking a page out of (brianalatrise.blogspot.com) page and Im going to speak my mind and not really give a ... who has something to say....
I've since deleted the entry that was written. Even though I was very upset (for good reason) my writing NEVER goes so hard at an individual. I do apologize for any feelings that might have been hurt... it wasnt intentional. Well yes it was, but I know I have to be the bigger person.
After watching the BET awards on Sunday, I started to listen to some of the oldies. It took me back to my childhood, and watching my mother turn on the radio and doing her Saturday cleaning. I can visualize her doing a dance step or two while sweeping. Sometimes she would even sing into the broom, sounding like she was born to sing. This song in particular was one of her favorites as she would look into my eyes and sing "I wanna get next to you"
Sittin' here in this chair waitin' on you
Ah baby, to see things my way
But not a word do you say
You won't even look my way
Boy, I'm spending my dimes, wasting
My time, talking till I'm black and blue
Ah, can't you see I wanna get next to you
Dreams of you and I go sailing by
Whenever your eyes meet mine
(You're so fine)
And boy you make me feel so insecure
You're so beautiful and pure,
Why must you be unkind
(And tell me I'm not your kind, blowin my mind)
Boy, my, my money is low and I know
That I can't take you to the
Fancy places you might wanna go
Still I wanna get next to you
I wanna get next to you
Boy, you can bend me, shake me, make me
Whatever it takes to please you
I'm willing to do
'Cause you're my dream come true
And I wanna get next to you
I wanna get next to you
I wanna make you mine (for all the time)
I wanna get next to you
I promise I'll never make you blue
I wanna get next to you
I wanna get next to you
I just spotted my first cousin Blair in Harlem. Since I dont deal with "them" I quickly put on my stunna shades and turned my head. That sh!t was madd random though.... I felt like I was doing some 007 sh!t. Life as Tristan J, there is never a dull moment.
I just got off the phone with my father and I realize it's a pointless cause. It's like he refuses to be a parent. Sh!t at this point in my life I'm not even asking him to be a good parent. I'm just asking him to be there! As the only parent I have you would think he would be my biggest fan/supporter, but NOPE! Do you know how frustrating it is to be ignored? Especially when all you want is to be acknowledge? Even my uncle jitterbug, who knows me vaguely has encouraged me more to follow my dreams with writing. When will parents wake up and see the potiential of their children? You know when? When it's too effin late. I don't have a grudge as my "cousin" Keith told me, I'm disappointed in my family's actions. Unless I'm hurting myself or someone else why is it such a big deal to support me? Sometimes I feel like fam is back the wrong horse in terms of support but time will tell!
Am I the only person who is a bit bothered by young girls having the option of wearing boy shorts as panties? I was walking around in pay-half, a clothing store, when I noticed them. I was first, shocked that they even had them in those sizes! I was tempted to call the manager over and say something but I was pressed for time. I think its very inappropriate that, that's even an option. I'm not a parent but parents of female children should be in a uproar that boy shorts for their preteen daughters are available. I remember not even being able to wear shoes with heels, or even getting my nails done, let alone wearing panties that showed half of my as$!!! (Taking a break to calm down) I'm very disturbed by this, maybe times are changing but somethings don't need to change with it! I'm sorry if Im old fashion but somethings should remain sacred with our children.
