Love of my Life

I was talking to my friend Mo and the topic of soulmates/first loves came up. I was asking if there was a set number of how many loves we get. I fell in love with a man and now he's no longer here. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to find someone like Lee. I've since stopped comparing people I'm dating to him because there is no comparison, he was it for me. I thought I was it for him as well, but he took his own life and left me here to fend for myself. At least when we was together no matter how effed up life got we could lean on one another.

Lee was someone who I could talk to about anything! Everything that I want, could want, or hope to want in a man, a friend was in him. I never felt more at home or secured than when I was in his arms. Lee's death brought out so much rage, anger, pain and creativity in myself, more than I ever knew I had. I always wonder if he hadn't died would I be a writer now? What path would my life be today? I stay up late thinking about the different scenarios that couldve happened if I had responded differently. Yes I'm trying not to blame myself for past events but they are always apart of my mental.

So my question still exist, Do we have a set number of loves/soulmates?? -Tristan

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