Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Last Night

I had a crazy dream this morning. I have a relative that lives in Peekskill,Ny so I took the metro north up there. I guess since my family has been ignoring my calls I decided to visit. Anyway I took a cab from the train. It looked like the whole house was being renovated so I was looking for the front entrance. Two dogs came from around the back yard, playing each other not paying me any attention. Finally my "aunt B" and her husband came from around the back as well. I called her name, she turned around but looked extremely surprised. I got closer so she could know who was about to chew her out. She subtly reach to give me a hug but I took a step back.

I told her what she was doing was wrong and she needed to make better decisions. I told her, my mother would be extremely disgusted with the way things was going with my niece. My aunt started to cry but I felt no sympothy for her because she knew I was right. To my surprise my niece appeared and instantly gave me a hug. She's a softy so I knew she wouldn't be able to hold tears back if she saw my "aunt" crying. I went on to tell my "aunt" that because of the respect I had for my mother I wouldn't disrespect her but I no longer felt anything towards the aunt that I once loved so much. When I saw her husband and son walking towards us, I threw my hoodie over my head and walked away.

The dream felt so damn real! I felt the wind, I heard the dogs barking and running through the grass. I saw the hurt and pain in my niece eyes. I saw she only wanted to be loved and understood. She wanted to live life as a teenager and to not have to deal with the bullshit of her family. I feel so helpless!! I want to do all that I can for her but with the type of schedule I have, it's hard to be as stable as I would need to be for her. I would be delighted if she could live with me but I'm between cities myself. I pray that my mother would give me the insight on what to do but as of today I haven't heard anything. I wish my mother was here, if she was sh!t would not be like this.


Sent from my iPhone

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